I Can See Reality Starting to Set In

Dear Followers, Readers and all other Curious People,

School is about to start soon (August 21st, I think?) and I’ve just been feeling lazy.  By the time you all are reading this, I will already be back in school. I don’t want to go back to school but, I don’t mind being back in Atlanta. I miss going places and being somewhat independent.

I’ve been at home all summer so, I’m glad to have some things to do with my time. I just don’t miss the deadlines and Monday exams. I also cannot wait for that financial aid to drop once school starts. I am a super broke b****h, right now. Excuse my french.

It would be nice to see some money in my account. It always nice to not have to worry as much about finances for a few months. Hopefully, I’ve estimated what I need well enough to last me the entire year and use the money well but, as we know, there are always some unexpected surprises in life and they are not always pleasant.

I have some new responsibilities this year and while I know this will be a good opportunity for me, I am a little scared. The last time I had a real position on some type of organizational board, it didn’t go so well for me.

I was overwhelmed and ran away  from my responsibilities for a while until I had an unpleasant intervention that made me put myself back together for the last half of the school year to get through the end of my job.

While I had responsibilities in an organization for 3 of my 4 years of undergrad, that last year is what I think of the most. It is what I think of as a disastrous ending. I mean I pulled through at the end with my job. But, mentally, it was taxing just to be present.  I’m scared of going through the same thing again this year except in graduate school. Sometimes, the past repeats itself sometimes, you know.

I fear that I will let these people down in this organization just as I did in my other in the past. I also fear that I will not be able to live up to expectations. I already won member of the year for volunteering last school year.

Where can I go from there? Last year, I volunteered out of passion for the organization and the people in it which is why I was so active. This year I hope to keep the same passion because I know succumbing to fear and pressure will put me in the same rut I was in almost 3 years ago.

This is also why I applied for a position in this organization, to help face my fears again and make newer and happier memories. Right now, I am very anxious about this new school year and although my financial aid issues from earlier have been solved, I am still skeptical. Anyways, I will keep you all updated.

Thanks for Reading My Rant! All my Love,