I remember the last time I started the post with this title. I said I lost 2.5 lbs. Well, I gained 10 pounds over the course of a year. Maybe, 15 over the course of 4 years. I really don’t know but, that was the last time I wrote. But, I gained 10 pounds and I am happier with my body now.
I look back to my obsession over my weight and it makes me sad. Not to say that I am always happy with my body but, It is definitely way better now. I had so many aches and pains from over-exercising and under-eating.
No, it wasn’t to the point where I was anorexic but, it was still unhealthy. I was losing hair, had knee pain, shoulder pain, and other problems because I was not allowing myself to rest properly trying to lose weight for an unattainable goal that was supposed to change my life.
That magic goal number on the scale was not going to change my happiness or the way I felt insecure about my body and it’s funny how I realized that in a few days.
My entire life changed when I realized I was basically starving and killing my body, albeit very slowly, but I was. So slow that it took me over 10 years to realize.
I started dieting at age 10, very innocently because my doctor said I was overweight.
But, soon all the compliments about my weight loss seduced me into wanting to lose more and be skinnier, not healthier or stronger, but slimmer with a flat stomach like all the other girls who could show their stomach to the world without remorse.
I’m only 23 and I’ve spent more than half my life dieting.
I got tired of measuring everything I ate because I couldn’t trust myself and binging on the weekends to find myself intensely exercising Monday through Friday.
Counting calories and getting frustrated when I couldn’t count them for my calorie tracker. I was tired and then when I wanted to eat more my conscience coaxed me back into eating less. Eating more will only make you blow up.
I was in my own personal mental hell but, I wasn’t the typical depiction of an anorexic or bulimic girl.
So, I couldn’t tell that I had a problem until I tried to eat more after learning that my metabolism may have slowed down too much for me to lose weight.
So, I decided to eat more. But, I found myself afraid. Afraid of calories! I physically could not eat more than 1300 calories sometimes and I knew that was not healthy. I was afraid of milk, fat, ice cream.
I was afraid and yet, I loved them. That’s how I knew I had a problem. I wondered why I was compelled to jump on the scale every morning. I had to remove the batteries to that scale that I bought in that post 4 years ago. It’s funny how life can change in a few days.
It only took me a few days to realize I had a problem after years of feeding my weight loss addiction. Now, I am currently trying to find myself more.
This weight loss became my identity for so long that now I feel a little unstructured and lost sometimes but, I am glad that I found the courage to start to change.
I only hope that others who have been in the same situation can do the same too because sometimes it’s so comfortable sitting in your hell because it’s familiar. By the way, update from part 1, my phone is still falling in the toilets. Just happened last year. 😅
Thanks for reading my rant.
Love,

Like this post! Follow my blog! Comment!
Enjoyed my post! Please take the time to share with others on your social media platform! It will be greatly appreciated.
Follow me:
- Instagram (Blog) or Personal Instagram
Get more exclusive content! Audioblogs, access to drafts, etc.
Feel free to contact me for any questions, comments, or concerns at shikaardeta@gmail.com.
Help me create better services for you by filling out a personal development consulting survey. I want to help solve your problems! Let’s grow together!
Hi there would you mind stating which blog platform you’re working
with? I’m looking to start my own blog in the near future but I’m having a difficult time selecting
between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
The reason I ask is because your design seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something unique.
P.S My apologies for being off-topic but I had to ask!
It is perfect time to make some plans for the long run and it’s time to be happy.
I have read this put up and if I may I want to suggest
you few fascinating things or advice. Maybe you could write subsequent articles referring to
this article. I want to learn even more things about it!
I really love your website.. Excellent colors & theme.
Did you build this site yourself? Please reply back as I’m looking to create my own website and want to learn where
you got this from or what the theme is called.
Many thanks! http://www.cspan.net
LikeLike
Hello! I am using WordPress. The theme is Twenty Eleven. It takes a while to sift through all the different options on WordPress so, I understand. Good luck with building your website!
LikeLike